Autistic people should be welcomed

Last week, my son brought home his class composite picture. He placed it on the top shelf of his book case. Later that evening, he reproached me when I inadvertently brushed it off the shelf.

“Mommy. That’s my picture,” he said, replacing it in its prominent position.

Not the stereotypical autistic behavior, right? Lost in their own world. Aloof. Apart. Unengaged. We’ve all heard these words to describe our kids.

But as the value he places on the photo shows, in his class, my son is part of a community. That’s because he’s welcomed there. He’s been welcomed there since Day 1, when he arrived as a refugee from a class where he was — shall we say — not welcomed. That’s how I came to learn how important it is to be welcomed.

The lesson was reinforced just the other day. He wasn’t feeling well, and the school called me to pick him up early. We were standing outside his locker, gathering his boots and coat, when about a half-dozen kids from the class converged on him.

“Owen, where are you going?”
“He must be going home. He didn’t feel good.”
“Owen, can I get a high-five?”
“I hope you feel better.”
“Owen, can I get a wave?
“Bye, Owen, hope to see you tomorrow.”

These kids–six, seven, eight years old, most of them–acted more kindly and warmly and thoughtfully than I sometimes am capable of myself, being one prone to tripping over the “should.” In the moment, I felt chastened and humbled. But most of all, heartened.

He is welcomed. He knows it. He responds.

High five, kids in Mrs. Stricker’s class.

Today’s post is part of a flashblog – “Autistic People Should” – which began as a way to combat the disgusting and vilesearch engine results that pop up when someone Googles the phrase “Autistic people should.”

Please, share this blog post, and others like it, such as Stuart Duncan’s “Autistic People Should Be,Jo Ashline’s “Autistic People Should Be Free to Flap” and Amy Sequenzia’s Autistic People Should,” and help replace these vile “top searches” with messages of love, acceptance, and respect.

- The letter “L” brought to you by Daily Drop Cap.

Open water – life without lanes *

Saturday morning, and I’m plunging my arms against the chopping water of West Grand Traverse Bay. Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe, on the right, because the waves are rolling in from the left. Trying to progress toward the orange buoy ahead, the one being buffeted about by these same waves, cresting just shy of a whitecap.

Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke breathe, on the right again. The orange buoy marks the midway point, when I turn and this relentless current becomes my friend, pushing me back to the beach now almost half a mile behind me.

Almost. Maybe 100, 200 yards to the buoy? Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe, lifting my head up this time, switching to breast stroke, to get a better visual of my floating target.

No progress. At least is doesn’t feel like it. Treading water, I lift my goggles, fogged because the water’s warmer than the 67-degree air. I’ve drifted, no surprise, off to the right. I’ll have to alternate to stay in a straight line.

So. Stroke, stroke, stroke, left. Stroke, stroke, stroke, right. OK. I’m doing all right. I’m encouraged to see another swimmer now, someone else stabbing their arms and legs into the gray water in perpetual motion, because, after all, that’s what you do in an open water swim. Stroke stroke, stroke, lef–

The wave smacks my face, filling my mouth with water. Instinctively I close it, rolling over to the relative shelter of the right. Gagging, I try to breathe air through my nose while water sloshes in my lungs. Coughing, I swing my legs vertical, treading water. My legs churn below, but I’m now a bobber in these waves, vulnerable to going under. Still coughing. I abandon treading and float on my back. Just keep swimming, Dory said. But first you’ve got to just keep breathing.

It works. Thirty seconds of floating and I’m breathing evenly again. But rolling over to swim again, I’m tired. I’ve lost the comforting sight of my comrade in the waves. Still, I just keep swimming.

Stroke, stroke, stroke, right. Stroke, stroke, stroke, THIS.

A timely appearance/cropped from Jan-Michael Stump original in Record-Eagle

Off to, yes, the left, over Leelanau County. And there in the water, I feel like Noah. It’s not just been a rough half-mile. It’s been a rough week, this first week of school, with e-mails and phone calls over my son’s behavior, as turbulent as the bay right now. It’s been a rough summer, as I wrote below.

But I also recall re-reading an entry from my journal dated March 5, almost exactly six months ago, when the waters of life were glassy-smooth. “Doing great. A+ school conference,” I wrote about my son.”It’s a good place now.”

I look at the rainbow again. Two hundred yards til the good place, I coach myself. Almost there.

I just have to keep swimming. And I do.

Bay, slain.

* Thanks to Carol South for the “life without lanes” analogy.
* Slick “S” courtesy of Daily Drop Cap.

Anticipation

Starting the car’s engine at 3 o’clock today, heading to pick up my newly-minted first

Sending forth

grader, I felt something I haven’t since last May.

Anticipation.

It happened again a little after 5, waiting for my husband to return with our daughter from her preschool-daycare combo day. I glanced out the kitchen window, watching for the garage door to open, listening for the “Mommy, mommy!” shriek. When it came, I burst through the screen door and pulled her into a bear hug, so glad — no, make that thrilled, not to mention relieved —to feel glad.

This summer’s been rough hellish. My son relies on school and its comforting routines to belay him through the day. Cut off, he spent  June, July and August teetering on the edge of the emotional/anxious/sensory abyss that is autism spectrum disorder. His behavior rubbed off on his sister. It rubbed off on all of us, to be honest. Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer? They got that last one right. Stir crazy, I was going, trying to cope with it.

And after just six hours of the miracle tonic that is school day separation, my mental health soared. Anger, resentment, guilt, feeling stuck in this world of special needs that I never, ever imagined all receded as anticipation surged forth.

That may make me sound horribly selfish. All I know is, I picked up my first grader with a smile on my face. And I’ve got 179 more to look forward to.

Hit it, Carly.